Statistics made funny

There are three reasons why I read Cricket (more than I watch or play it these days)

#1. to find reasons to feel good about India, Mumbai and Sachin Tendulkar (in that order)
#2. Stats Stats Stats
#3. Peculiar ways that people find to report on this otherwise boring sport.

No one combines #2 and #3 on a regular basis like Andy Zaltman.

Every now and then he writes about one of my favorite cricketers like this article s like 'Sehwag eats man-eating lions' to check all three boxes.

Here's Andy on why, for England's sake, its good for their captain to lose tosses.

Cold calling leaves England in a puddle:

"All this suggests that the England captain, for all his undoubtedly virtues and successes as a leader, should start calling something other than ‘heads’ or ‘tails’, in an effort to leave the toss-winning ball in the opposing captain’s court. Perhaps ‘helicopters’, or ‘chainsaws’ (assuming a regulation coin is being used). After all, as all attentive schoolchildren will tell you, in 813 Tests since 1990, the toss-winning captain has guzzled the sweet champagne of victory 286 times, and glugged down the rancid rat juice of defeat on 288 occasions. And had a non-committal cup of tea after the other 239 matches."

Born Free?

I have long argued that my generation is the one that will transform India because the leaders from my generation are the first to be born to parents who'd lived majority of their life as citizens of a free country.

We are the in charge of our own destiny and we are fully aware of it.

This story on Amit Varma's blog made me have a re-think.


India Uncut - published by Amit Varma: "Imagine a cage containing five monkeys. Inside the cage, hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it. Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb toward the banana. As soon as he touches the stair, spray all the monkeys with ice-cold water. After a while, another monkey makes an attempt with the same result - all the monkeys are sprayed with ice-cold water. Pretty soon, when another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it.

Now, turn off the cold water. Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana and will want to climb the stairs. To his surprise, all of the other monkeys attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs he will be assaulted.

Next, remove another of the original monkeys and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm.

Again, replace a third monkey with new one. The new one goes to the stairs and is attacked. Two of the four monkeys that beat him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs, or why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey.

After replacing the fourth and fifth monkeys with new ones, all the monkeys that have been sprayed with ice-cold water have been replaced. Nevertheless, no monkey ever again approaches the stairs. Why not? Because as far as they know that’s the way it’s always been around here."

Reporting on a 5 day game

...that ends in a draw, one has to let the imagination run wild.

'What Test cricket needs is more draws' | Andy Zaltzman's World Cricket Podcast : "Is it logistically possible for Graeme Smith to play an elegant shot? Physics suggests not. Smith is without question, a very good batsman. He's skilful, powerful, and cussed and he delivers when it matters as often as a top-grade midwife. But he does all that, while looking like he's trying to open a can of tomatoes with a sledgehammer."

Zaltman is more of a comedian than a journalist, and only good thing that came out of cricinfo's "Page 2" initiative.

Colly is a lid on a jar of pickles

I have always hated the analogies and metaphors used by cricket writers like one would feel about using stuffed porcupines for cushions but this one seems completely apt.

Page 2 | The Long Handle | Cricinfo.com: "...Colly is a lid on a jar of pickles. Not as awe-inspiring as rock face, I’ll grant you, but just as capable of defeating even the boldest opponent. No matter how hard you wrench, or pull or hit it with the blunt end of a screwdriver, the Collylid cannot be popped. You grunt and groan and roar with exasperation until in the end, your arms are tired, your hands are red raw and you drop the jar on the sideboard absent-mindedly, whereupon the lid pops off with a sigh. But it’s too late. You don’t care about pickles any more. In fact, you can’t bear the sight of them, and so you stomp off muttering something about lid-tampering."


(The context is England's miraculous escape act in Cape town, when they played out the 5th day of the third test on their South Africa tour with the last wicket standing. The third time they have done it this season. Paul Collingwood showing amazing strength of character on each occasion)